Monday, August 31, 2015

Self Love

4 days ago I came to really realize what does it mean by really loving yourself.
It not just doing the things you like or buying the things you love, its more about the future you, how are you gonna walk towards that path and find yourself loving yourself more and more...
Loving your current state now is not a bad thing, but too much love on that will just make you stay the same way and nv be able to get to know more of yourself any further.
Its the same way to our past, everyone love/hate their past, that something happens, not intentionally, but it makes you remember that very moment. They just stick to that is their best/worse days ever and stop looking forward to another better one in the future, the problem with human mindset.
I, myself had someone I love. I would gave in all I have for her just to let her stay beside me, and I stop loving my ownself while things progressed...
I shall not say much cause anymore will dishonor her name, nor do I ever want myself to hate her. Leaving her in my memories where, that time, she appears to be the most beautiful girl I met...
At least I still think its a good memory!😂
Back to topic, basically thats how you love yourself, you must love with conciousness, not blindly, not deaf, speak out when you have to, to yourself.
Its basically a reflection to yourself.
Someone once told me this "If you have a solution to the problem, solve it this instant, if not, leave it aside until the moment is right, or maybe its a forever thing"
Why am I writing this? Sometimes I just feel that I need something to remind myself how is the past me, and when the future me see this, I wanna know how it feels...Its another level of reflection.

Sunday, August 30, 2015

Reflection

Sometimes you just close your eyes and reflect what happen today, what could have been done better. The words you say, the things you hear, the feelings you had...
Its like watching yourself acting in a video, you see it as a third party, you would comment on yourself base on what you think like rating it. From there you would know what should be done and the small little gaps to fill up that will make your tomorrow a better day.
Though sometimes it hurts, I will reflect my past, past that can go all the way to when I was primary school. Its not about reminding yourself about the past, but to tell yourself not to ever make that same mistakes again.
Mistakes not regretting meeting that person or whatsoever, but the way you treat that person, what could have been done better, and the things you could have did.

Next one I will be talking self love?

Thursday, August 20, 2015

When I was still a child...

From what I heard from my mum when I was like 2-7 years old, I could social well with anyone, to the point I could start eating at other people table and their parents didn't mind my presence in a high class restaurant, they would ask me to stay to chit chat more with them and their childrens... Making friends was so easy to me, and when I look back at my old photos, I smile the brightest back then...
Than I started to ask why... When did I turn into the me now... What happen? What went wrong...
But thinking so much was just a waste of time... I acted it out...
I slowly remember it bit by bit as I social with new people, that genuine feelings...
And I realise... what happen... I got caught up by hatred, anger, and the things that consume people deep down their heart...
And before I knew it... I became myself again... when i look at the recent photos...
It was... even brighter when I was with her...
People recently would say they feel very comfortable with me, start sharing their darkest secrets with me, and whenever I kind of threaten them (for the sake of fun😁) , they would always say I would nv do that to them, the trust they have for me...
This is me... This was me all along...
My anger no longer took me over... Let just say Guangyao was even shock when he thought I was about to shout at the NDP kids due to my anger, and the comment he said was "damn weird sia shawn shout without his anger mode on, until I wanna laugh!"... Dk whether thats a compliment or not though!😂
Of course, I need to know when to draw this back and be a coach when I need to be one...
Now I am a bit glad that... I left her...

Phew... Finally I can say this all out after thinking for quite awhile~.
Now... I have someone in mind... Wanna know her more~. Understand her. And Ik... I can trust her... This time... much better than all my exs.:)




Wednesday, August 19, 2015

The goals~.

Basically the first thing I wanna accomplish is ce kong, and after that will be front hand flip? Dk whether is the right word for it but actually is not call stunt, its call tumbling.:P. Learn that 4 days ago from someone!😂😂😂. But who cares~, not an expert here~, stunt is also the right word for it too if you check the dictionary!😁
Actually front hand flip I did it, but kind of lost feeling for it already so need to get it back!:). Was able to accomplish that time with just 10 mins of training with shifu, he really can teach people until that well.:)
So yeah~. This 2 things first, lets not rush things and take my time to learn.
Hope bunny princess hurry end her Os than we can go jump jump jump!😁

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Set up some new goals

Been having quite a few goals set up for myself, like...sick of admiration and doing what I need to do everytime.
I am still young... okay fine I am 20 maybe not that young already!😂. But its nv too late to start anything... I guess?😁
Basically, the first thing I wanna do is start learning stunts, I mean like, thats actually what I always wanted to do but it was not a need so I didn't go seeking it.
Will have to wait until November 6 i guess? Waiting for Bunny Princess to finish her Os before we can go and jump all our worries away!😂
Until then gotta start training more on my core muscle, my legs and arms being strengthening alot but well, doing routine doesnt really strengthen my abs so yeap, time to go for more vigorous training on abs, final result shall be 6 packs!😂
Well, I feel more motivated now I have someone to accompany me on this journey!😁
Planning to hid from the people around me~. So shhhhh!!! If it spreads I am gonna be lecture by Shifu le hehehe~~~.
Hmm... He probably will say "太级的跳你不练好, 学人家练别的"😉
Yeah ik~. I have been very naughty this 2 months, but well... I notice... This is the real me, the wild me!😈
But of course, not everyone will get to see this side of me, not even the ones who were the closest to me, cause I only became like this not too long ago.😁
Its not a new me too... Its more of how I was when I was still quite small.:).
Will share with you next time about it!

Need you "guys" to know

Basically... This is my private heart to heart "talk" place. Its where things idw the  people around me to know so I wrote it down here, a place I express myself.
So really, please don't go spreading, give me that respect at least.
I am fine if you are a walker by or just someone who accidentally came in, keep this place a secret for me, and not let any of your friends know about it.
And if I gave you the link to this blog, please respect that Idw anyone to know, so don't freaking go tell anyone about it thank you!
Btw actually I am just saying it, not really saying about anyone specific...

Monday, August 17, 2015

以后别做朋友

This lifetime... I hope we are friends, and I wanna watch over you like how I promise...
I wanna be there for you when you have problems, I wanna see you be happy with him, I wanna solve your problems so you can have a easier life...
I cried, but I felt better and my mind is clearer.
I will walk my way, but I also want a bridge to exist between us, so when you need this guardian angel, he will always be there for you.
This life, I am your guardian angel, next life... I still want to be with you, hold you in my arms, and call you baby...
Since we are not fated in this lifetime, I hope we are in our next life...
Love doesn't mean that we have to be together, I chose my way to love you like how I promise. Sometimes, it hurts, but after crying, I understand.
I will watch over you, I will stand by your side... Forever that Silly, Personal, Guardian Angel...
Thats my last... Selfish Love...

不可能。。。

Had a good chat with you.:)
You talked about your life. The happy times, the sad moments, yet all this will serve as a memory of you and him.☺
You found your happiness, you catch it, and hold it tight this time.
He really is the best for you, he has both the quantity and quality. Life is good to you. Treasure him like you nv ever treasure anyone that hard before, this time, live with no regrets.

But why...

When I hear all these... I am happy... Ik it in my heart...

Yet why...

Did tears flow out from my eyes...

And why... at the same time... my heart hurt so much...

Even if it hurt so much... why... am I still keeping that promise... To watch over you... like a guardian angel...

Why...
There is no way I am walking out of this...
I realise... I don't even dare to love anymore... Even if I like that someone, I just wanna stay by that person side and watch her until she is with her fated guy...
I no longer have the courage to love...
I no longer want to love...

Sunday, August 16, 2015

How are you...

Wondering how are you this days, are you eating good? Is your studies okay? Hows you and your bf going? Are you happier now? There are too many things I wanna say and talk to you about.:)
Hmm... Idk~. I just feel like caring about you here and there. I will peek at your insta and twitter sometimes to see how your doing, recently you post something thats sad, like you regret about something. I just wanna tell you that no matter what happens, you still have your friends with you.☺
Everyone say I have change, into someone more cheerful, more comfortable with, and definitely more annoying!😂.
Be Happy!😊.
I want you to be able to smile like a angel.
My heart kind of still holds the promises, that I will be that guardian angel for life. Just wanna watch over you now and see your days getting better and sweet.😁.

Monday, August 10, 2015

Now...

There are times I really hate myself, take an example,yesterday, I swear I was listening to whatever gordon was briefing, and I still miss out some parts of it.
Yeah you can give excuses such as I am exhausted and whatsoever, but in the working society, information that is pass down are way too important to be miss out or forgotten regardless what condition you are, but I just keep missing out information everytime its pass down... It damn annoying in a sense.
And I really hate people that just keep telling me to listen even more carefully, Ik they mean well and majority is 对事不对人, but sometimes I am really freaking annoy with myself le and they still gotta say that out... Thats why I nv want to take up a ldr role, cause one wrong information and everything is gone case...
And NDP, I am glad guangyao pull me back and talk to shifu about it, if not I won't be able to take part in this year one... So thank you guangyao!
Probably thats all for now... Just angry at myself majority of the times.