Friday, December 11, 2015

Judge

Finding hypocrite humans being very hilarious at some point of time...
Everyone judges people through their actions and words, has anyone thought of why is that so?
Actions displays 2 things, what you wanna show to other people or what kind of person you really are... People are free to judge and you definitely have no rights to complain about it...
Think about it, if you wanna be yourself than just fucking let people judge you, what are you afraid or being over concern of?
If the judging makes sense I suppose they just help you some way in life to find a better "you", else just listen and forget about it. Life will proof whether your in the right track, and complaining just shows how puny your "heart" is.
But trying to cut off all the judgements and only make yourself available to the sweet coated words... You are a damn fuck up person... Worst, fighting back without much thoughts into it...
I am sure 5 years ago everyone will thought "i found true love", in another 5 years they probably say "this time is true love for real" , and another 5 years your probably will hear "fuck, how did i end up falling in love with that 2 bloody assholes"😂
Humans change over the years... not everyone is the same in the next coming years... and also doesn't mean that as years goes your definitely a better person...
Judgements from other people are important, cause majority of the times your actions might display what you are truly lacking and the answer to your solutions.
Don't come up with some superstitions ideas like "god will help me" , "cause my horoscope is like that so i am like that" , "i am my own god". Yeah like hell they will come help you if all you didn't put effort to it, or being overly obsess with yourself... Ego problems.
If you reject every judgement, life in some way will reject you. The only people you can ever clique with is people who are exactly having the same pattern as you or is super mature to accept thats you, which they are the ones who usually succeed in life.
Have a big heart, reflect more, speak less, listen more. And really stand on the third point of view.

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Are you the one...?

Its been awhile since I grow fond of someone...
Whenever I see pretty girls walking pass, all I ever concern was admiring that one moment of beauty that might never appear again. Nothing more nothing less. Well I am not sure how other guys might react in that situation but I might be a weird one!😂
But you were different... You were the kind I predicted that we won't have a long conversation to begin with, nor will be interested to start one whenever we put a pause to it. But I guess... You proof me wrong.
Somehow... I was attracted by your nature...
Let see... Stm , Silly girl , blur queen etc.
There are tons of flaws you have, which supposedly makes you less appealing to me... But somehow it didn't happen that way...
Maybe I am a weird one but... Does someone's flaws makes you happy?
Don't misunderstand. I am not a sadist. Not that kind of happiness through others suffering.
It somehow seems that I am appeal to you. Whether is your flaws , your nature , your character , or mindset.
"Thats you😊"
That is what always come up to my mind when you act as yourself...
You make me feel like I am a human again... I don't need to be a perfect being nor follow what the world needs me to be.
I am not sure whether this is a friendship or a new start... But what I know is that, I am grateful and appreciating your existence in my life... Thank you!😊
It is not the right time yet...

Monday, November 30, 2015

Non of my business

This is really non of my business but... I just find a need to speak my feelings out...
I been wondering... But... Aren't you making yourself a bit to...... cheap? Sorry but I can't think of a better word for it, its quite offensive Ik... Not intentionally...
I won't deny nor judge your feelings for him and I am absolutely not sure how he feels about you either. Your are more of the "friends for benefits" than the "test and run" statues now...
Are you really thinking its okay to keep this up?
If that first night was a mistake than let bygones be bygones, but if anymore... I find that you have not been seeing into the mirror for a very long time to see what you have become...
Yes... I have no rights to judge... But a person's characteristics and personality can be seen through their actions...
What your doing now... There is no other words to signify it... The most positive word I can think of now is "confusion"
Its becoming a toxic to you... You can't make up the decision to confess (ask him to be your boyfriend) or push him away... Now your really left hanging there and he is not making things clear to you...
Are you really okay with it being like this...
Yes... You can probably say that "its non of your business", but worrying for you as a accomplice...as a human...
First time to like someone so much for you I guess?:). To be willing to sacrifice so much for that person... But if your gonna lose yourself in the process than you need to wake up...
You are a brave girl, I always believe in that... In love... There is no waiting... Cause once the chance is gone... Its gone... Though 小幸运 is just a movie, but thats what it is trying to express out...
Confess or break the chain... Its up to you... If your gonna keep on with what your doing now... I guess you should avoid bringing emotions in... So that it will be less painful for you...

To love someone it takes courage to go for it... the courage to confess, if not... from the start both of your are still not ready yet...

Just saying out my thoughts here. Ik she doesn't read anymore so its okay.:)
But if you do read the blog... I meant no harm... Like I say I will watch over you...
Hoping that you will be couragous enough to grab hold of your happiness...

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

A sudden message from you...

My heart skipped a beat when seeing your message... This mix up feeling of happiness and sadness.
We had quite a talk today, I try not to make it awkward by starting a topic which you will be able to speak without conservations, which is your new love...
And in the end... I realise I still love you...
Still keeping all the memories we had, the photos, the chocolate you gave me for birthday present, the crayon shin chan lego, and the most importantly... The ring...
Its not that it doesn't tear me apart, but I am just holding in the pain... The pain that has been with me for this 5 months... To the point its become a natural feeling for me...
I really hope he will bring you happiness, maybe your previous ex was not the destined one... But I hope this time its him... I hate to see you being sad, frighten, and tearing... Cause ik I no longer have the rights nor ability to be your happiness... Its up to them...
No matter what just remember... I will always be you guardian angel... No matter what you did to hurt me, I will still love you... I am just that kind of silly guy...
You know where to find me if you need me... Don't hold back...:)

Thursday, October 22, 2015

Sleepless nights

Been having alot of sleepless night lately...
The moment I close my eyes, images appear... Movement of routines repeating continuously.
It seem endless... The mistakes I made, the parts of movement that can be further enhance, etc...
Make a effort today to go for nyp training and I got enlighten by too much things at one time... End up having a sleepless night...
Now I am wide awake, sitting down at the coffee shop near my block with a can of 100 plus after revising everything...
Lessons starts at 10 tmr so just hoping 6 hrs of sleep is enough for me...

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Sickening

Some people are just sickening.
Why I say that? They seek the word destruction. They feel happy when they pull people down, feeling superior, making the other party feel they worth nothing. Best thing is, they don't even know they are such fucked up person.
They would brag about the things they do for hours making rounds and turns just to indirectly praise their abilities is so much better than yours. Some of them don't even know the difference between bragging and sharing, people who don't do reflection before they close their eyes to end a day.
Some even got pretty worst. If someone displeases you why are you wasting your attention on them, stalking and commenting or whatever they do? Only a fucked up person would do that, that amount of saddistic... Or should I say nothing better to do?
And they will go "why is my life so fucked up" or "I am done with me life", ONLY A FUCKED UP PERSON WILL HAVE A FUCK UP LIFE!!!
What you reap is what you sow. If your feeling something is not right in your life than better make some good reflections on yourself, don't blame people around you. After all, your nv in charge of other peoples life, only to yours, changes starts with own reflection.
Know how I walk out of my previous ex? It was not easy. But life didn't treat me bad, it keeps giving me things to do and experience, meeting new people and making new memories. And its not like I couldn't step into another relationship, I choose not to. After all, I gave my all on the previous relationship, scar takes time to heal.
Has anyone heard my difficulties when I am in a relationship? No. Cause if I am gonna love I don't find excuses, nor do I degrade her saying she is being a childish and immature being to someone else. All I did was write down my depressions after the break up here and continue to walk on with my life.
I have nv soil my mouth on anyone to other people, my heart is at peace cause I have no worries over things like this, staying silence.

You wanted something in the past don't regret it now.
Life is always a reflection of which side you stand, positive or negative.

"Everything starts from our own problem, take no one to blame..."

Btw~. I suddenly speak about my previous relationship cause it was what happen recently that make quite an impact in my life so I just took it as an example for the topic life!😂.

Sunday, October 11, 2015

Let be honest.

This shall be the most fucking honest post.
I really hate taiji!!!
That damn slow movement which just makes me sleep and I gotta be doing it every week whether its teaching or self training! Like seriously! And its extremely tired like damn it, all those low stances! And cause its slow, all the freaking small tiny details have to be execute out since who can't see clearly what your doing in slow-motion? One mistake and there deduct marks, omg... If there is someone around my age who would tell me they love taiji than oh god, something is so fucking wrong with them!😂😂😂

But... I won't deny it... Taiji helps me out too much... To the point you can really feel it deeply, the changes happening in your body you nv experiences before, plus the baji quan I been learning which really circulates my blood stream, pushing all the clots of blood out of my body... (Which ends up to nose bleeding when I start training, was not the only one who bleed btw!😂)

I Love Baji Quan, its freaking tired, but the passion is there, the will to surpass what I am now.
I hate Taiji, but without it, I would nv had understand things.

Sometimes things you hate to do, will probably be the ones who make you better and stronger...

But most of all... Thank you Shifu...

You also hated Taiji, yet its your best even compare to your Shaolin quan. Hope one day I will be able to understand things to your level...





Friday, October 9, 2015

Secretly an Introvert

Loving Solitude.
Its a place where I calm myself down and find peace within.
Not saying I don't love being an extrovert, but having both of the worlds within me where I can freely control when and where to bring that part of me out to fit the environment.
Enjoying both silence and the company of my friends (Well... Gotta have zero awkwardness though!).
What I am trying to say is. There is nothing wrong to be enjoying solitude.:)

Back

Well Ik I said I change blog but actually I didn't. Just wanna chase someone away who is undecisive, she probably deleted the link so yeap!
Will keep writing at here.:)

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Changing blog.

This blog has been with me since secondary school and I guess its time for me to make a new one.
Will probably come back to recall my past when I am loss or confuse, other than that this will just be another dead blog.:)
It has too much memories here... My secondary life, Huiyi's memories, and how I was able to make it through everything from the break up.
Just hope my english wasn't that bad that is unreadable?😂😂😂.
Life been awesome for me this days so there is nothing much for me to express it out like I initially did.😁
Thats all ba!:)
It has been awhile since I saw Huiyi twitter or Insta, hope she is doing well.:).
Well... Its her after all, she will make it somehow!😂😂😂
In the end... I nv regretted a single thing... It all became a catalyst to embark on my new journey...
だから, ありがとう。 。。

Accepting

Changes always occurs...
Where you go, where you are, it doesn't stops... Cause that is life... This is life...
So what can we really do with that, the thing is, we can't...
The only thing we can do is realise that we can only change ourself constantly, whether is good or bad it all depends on both our experiences, insights, courage.
We have no control over other people life, whether is their new gain arrogance, undecisive or pessimistic mindset etc.
The only thing we can ever do is accept who they are, there are too many people in life that is yet ready to be "unplugged".
But that also applies to ourselves...
Everyone is facing difficulties in their life, so be humble, polite, and respectful.
"Recognizing does not occur through your mouth, but by the words your surrounding spreads."

Thursday, September 17, 2015

Productive day!

It was really fun bonding with all of them back in NYP. I miss the feeling of family in it.:).
We did forfeit together even though only the loser team is require to do, train as hard as we can working towards the IVP competition. Miss this feeling, though there were some mistakes pick out through the whole process in terms of planning for games and trainings, still thats how we learn from it and advance further.:)
Been training ce shou after knowing some of my mistakes i pick out in my ce kong, shall really go back to basics and pick things up from there again one by one.:)
And I still manage to do front hand flip after so long.:P. Shall slowly progress to back hand flip since bunny princess is still gonna take awhile before we could train together, so I might as well learn some things in my free time as well.😁.
Though I shall not do in gym kraft unless with bunny princess...
Having too much facilities is actually bad... Cause what I wanna conquer is the fear and limits, if I depend too much on those it won't be hitting my target. Of course that increase the risk of injuries, but if the people in the past could master all this without mattress nor carpets, I don't see why this generations is lacking that...
Of course, its my preference, everyone have different views so lets not collide our own believes if you have one.:)


Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Just... Leave me alone...

Let me do what I want...
Your no longer here, you don't belong here anymore, you should not be worrying about me or having any connections with me any longer...
Cut me totally off... From your mind...
You have a bf now, someone who is willing to do so much for you...
Thats why... You should already forget about me... Forget all thats happen, I am the only one who shall keep those memories until I find that someone who could pull let me have the courage to love again...
My words were harsh but all I want is you to leave me, cut all connections with me and only have him in mind.
So really... Leave...
Find any reasons to cut me off from your mind, whether is treating me as parasites or whatever.
I will just keep my promise... To watch over you... Silently in the shadows...

Get the fuck lost.

Been receiving questions on my ask.fm 4-5 days ago.
Tbh, your a fucking retard. I don't care who you are (though I already know who you are) but please mind your own fucking business like seriously.
I choose the way I live cause its how I wanna be right now, I can't be like her and I am not her, find bf so fast. Like I said Idw judge so don't make me say anything more about her, let me at least keep the good memories so I won't hate.
From the way you say things I could tell that immaturity of yours when it comes to love and that uncontrollable emotions you have when I just don't agree on what you say.
From that I already know who questioned me, so really, fuck off. At least the way I live doesn't bring inconvenience to anyone in my life nor to yours. And I don't need your concern, you should worry more about yourself, you nv know when you will meet your end.
Even if I am single forever it doesn't concern you, don't be a bitch and act a annoymous and question me. Try harder so I won't know who you are, to that someone who doesn't even dare to talk to me straight forward.

Oh and btw~. Please grow up soon.:).
Ik a girl who is one year younger than you yet she is so much more mature compare to you... So please for god sake grow up.

Friday, September 11, 2015

Priorities.

Priorities are important in our lives, cause its show us what we should be doing right this moment and not about other irrelevant stuff...

1. Wushu
Well its not like who dk?:P. Always been putting it as my first priority even until now.

2. Familes and Friends
Its them that take me out of my stress zone. I need them in my life not just cause of that but they are important fragments in my life.:)

3. Studies
Well... I am suppose to place this first?:P. Oh well~~~.

Of course, it changes as times goes due to changes here and there. Human change so does our way of thinking changes.

But for now this are my priorities.:)

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Dear 21st lady.

Hey... I just wanna say... Pls don't be sad...
Well... How should I start...
There are alot of times you really seem to be in pain but you always hide it and remain silent, whether its for the good or bad reasons Idk...
All ik is that... You are really a strong girl.☺. Among the girls I have seen your probably one of those who is the most independent and mature ones...
You always rely on yourself to do everything and usually stay silent about the bad stuff happening in life, probably thats why your strong... But you know...
If you can... do talk to me about it...
Well... Ik how it feels, to stay silent and hold everything yourself, by keeping quiet so you won't be a burden to anyone... But I also do know that... Too much will crush you down inside...
Of course... I am powerless to change anything for you even if you say it to me... But in my own range of abilities... I hope to take away the weight in your heart even just by a bit... Sorry... I am stupid... But thats the only way I think I can help you when your facing difficulties in life...

So yeah! Please be happy!😊
Will be by your side when you need me!😉

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Worries.

Pampered...
Yeah you didn't read wrong, pampered.
I gotta admit it myself, I am really a pampered child. I grew up in a family where I have no worries about money, no worries on lacking monthly allowances, no worries with what kind of sudden situation will come in to our family...
Due to that, I lack the compassion and appreciation to it. Being the youngest in the family makes me even more than just a prince in it, it makes me a king...
Thats my biggest worries, my pampered attitude.
Why does it worries me? Well..., maybe cause I am getting older? Okay wait I am not that old to begin with!😂. So let just say I am gonna start on my 20s soon, and I definitely wanna be a man when I step out of my 10s, the expectations I have for myself.
So basically thats why I have been reflecting alot this few months, the things that been happening and the most heart breaking incidents...
Why? "Only by admiting oneself mistakes, than your able to start the next step to change it", kind of like my motto since 2 years ago?😊.
I always like to find fault for myself, bringing the negative to myself, and changing it to positive. Its kind of my way to improve, though Guangyao say it is a good way but not the right way cause its like I am promoting "Negativeness is good".
Negativeness is good, but who can really understand that? I think the ones reading also kind of confuse? I won't say much, brainstorm it yourself!😂.
So since its not the right way, I wanna try going straight to positive this time rather than making a big round for negative to positive.
Hope is works?😊.

Monday, August 31, 2015

Self Love

4 days ago I came to really realize what does it mean by really loving yourself.
It not just doing the things you like or buying the things you love, its more about the future you, how are you gonna walk towards that path and find yourself loving yourself more and more...
Loving your current state now is not a bad thing, but too much love on that will just make you stay the same way and nv be able to get to know more of yourself any further.
Its the same way to our past, everyone love/hate their past, that something happens, not intentionally, but it makes you remember that very moment. They just stick to that is their best/worse days ever and stop looking forward to another better one in the future, the problem with human mindset.
I, myself had someone I love. I would gave in all I have for her just to let her stay beside me, and I stop loving my ownself while things progressed...
I shall not say much cause anymore will dishonor her name, nor do I ever want myself to hate her. Leaving her in my memories where, that time, she appears to be the most beautiful girl I met...
At least I still think its a good memory!😂
Back to topic, basically thats how you love yourself, you must love with conciousness, not blindly, not deaf, speak out when you have to, to yourself.
Its basically a reflection to yourself.
Someone once told me this "If you have a solution to the problem, solve it this instant, if not, leave it aside until the moment is right, or maybe its a forever thing"
Why am I writing this? Sometimes I just feel that I need something to remind myself how is the past me, and when the future me see this, I wanna know how it feels...Its another level of reflection.

Sunday, August 30, 2015

Reflection

Sometimes you just close your eyes and reflect what happen today, what could have been done better. The words you say, the things you hear, the feelings you had...
Its like watching yourself acting in a video, you see it as a third party, you would comment on yourself base on what you think like rating it. From there you would know what should be done and the small little gaps to fill up that will make your tomorrow a better day.
Though sometimes it hurts, I will reflect my past, past that can go all the way to when I was primary school. Its not about reminding yourself about the past, but to tell yourself not to ever make that same mistakes again.
Mistakes not regretting meeting that person or whatsoever, but the way you treat that person, what could have been done better, and the things you could have did.

Next one I will be talking self love?

Thursday, August 20, 2015

When I was still a child...

From what I heard from my mum when I was like 2-7 years old, I could social well with anyone, to the point I could start eating at other people table and their parents didn't mind my presence in a high class restaurant, they would ask me to stay to chit chat more with them and their childrens... Making friends was so easy to me, and when I look back at my old photos, I smile the brightest back then...
Than I started to ask why... When did I turn into the me now... What happen? What went wrong...
But thinking so much was just a waste of time... I acted it out...
I slowly remember it bit by bit as I social with new people, that genuine feelings...
And I realise... what happen... I got caught up by hatred, anger, and the things that consume people deep down their heart...
And before I knew it... I became myself again... when i look at the recent photos...
It was... even brighter when I was with her...
People recently would say they feel very comfortable with me, start sharing their darkest secrets with me, and whenever I kind of threaten them (for the sake of fun😁) , they would always say I would nv do that to them, the trust they have for me...
This is me... This was me all along...
My anger no longer took me over... Let just say Guangyao was even shock when he thought I was about to shout at the NDP kids due to my anger, and the comment he said was "damn weird sia shawn shout without his anger mode on, until I wanna laugh!"... Dk whether thats a compliment or not though!😂
Of course, I need to know when to draw this back and be a coach when I need to be one...
Now I am a bit glad that... I left her...

Phew... Finally I can say this all out after thinking for quite awhile~.
Now... I have someone in mind... Wanna know her more~. Understand her. And Ik... I can trust her... This time... much better than all my exs.:)




Wednesday, August 19, 2015

The goals~.

Basically the first thing I wanna accomplish is ce kong, and after that will be front hand flip? Dk whether is the right word for it but actually is not call stunt, its call tumbling.:P. Learn that 4 days ago from someone!😂😂😂. But who cares~, not an expert here~, stunt is also the right word for it too if you check the dictionary!😁
Actually front hand flip I did it, but kind of lost feeling for it already so need to get it back!:). Was able to accomplish that time with just 10 mins of training with shifu, he really can teach people until that well.:)
So yeah~. This 2 things first, lets not rush things and take my time to learn.
Hope bunny princess hurry end her Os than we can go jump jump jump!😁

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Set up some new goals

Been having quite a few goals set up for myself, like...sick of admiration and doing what I need to do everytime.
I am still young... okay fine I am 20 maybe not that young already!😂. But its nv too late to start anything... I guess?😁
Basically, the first thing I wanna do is start learning stunts, I mean like, thats actually what I always wanted to do but it was not a need so I didn't go seeking it.
Will have to wait until November 6 i guess? Waiting for Bunny Princess to finish her Os before we can go and jump all our worries away!😂
Until then gotta start training more on my core muscle, my legs and arms being strengthening alot but well, doing routine doesnt really strengthen my abs so yeap, time to go for more vigorous training on abs, final result shall be 6 packs!😂
Well, I feel more motivated now I have someone to accompany me on this journey!😁
Planning to hid from the people around me~. So shhhhh!!! If it spreads I am gonna be lecture by Shifu le hehehe~~~.
Hmm... He probably will say "太级的跳你不练好, 学人家练别的"😉
Yeah ik~. I have been very naughty this 2 months, but well... I notice... This is the real me, the wild me!😈
But of course, not everyone will get to see this side of me, not even the ones who were the closest to me, cause I only became like this not too long ago.😁
Its not a new me too... Its more of how I was when I was still quite small.:).
Will share with you next time about it!

Need you "guys" to know

Basically... This is my private heart to heart "talk" place. Its where things idw the  people around me to know so I wrote it down here, a place I express myself.
So really, please don't go spreading, give me that respect at least.
I am fine if you are a walker by or just someone who accidentally came in, keep this place a secret for me, and not let any of your friends know about it.
And if I gave you the link to this blog, please respect that Idw anyone to know, so don't freaking go tell anyone about it thank you!
Btw actually I am just saying it, not really saying about anyone specific...

Monday, August 17, 2015

以后别做朋友

This lifetime... I hope we are friends, and I wanna watch over you like how I promise...
I wanna be there for you when you have problems, I wanna see you be happy with him, I wanna solve your problems so you can have a easier life...
I cried, but I felt better and my mind is clearer.
I will walk my way, but I also want a bridge to exist between us, so when you need this guardian angel, he will always be there for you.
This life, I am your guardian angel, next life... I still want to be with you, hold you in my arms, and call you baby...
Since we are not fated in this lifetime, I hope we are in our next life...
Love doesn't mean that we have to be together, I chose my way to love you like how I promise. Sometimes, it hurts, but after crying, I understand.
I will watch over you, I will stand by your side... Forever that Silly, Personal, Guardian Angel...
Thats my last... Selfish Love...

不可能。。。

Had a good chat with you.:)
You talked about your life. The happy times, the sad moments, yet all this will serve as a memory of you and him.☺
You found your happiness, you catch it, and hold it tight this time.
He really is the best for you, he has both the quantity and quality. Life is good to you. Treasure him like you nv ever treasure anyone that hard before, this time, live with no regrets.

But why...

When I hear all these... I am happy... Ik it in my heart...

Yet why...

Did tears flow out from my eyes...

And why... at the same time... my heart hurt so much...

Even if it hurt so much... why... am I still keeping that promise... To watch over you... like a guardian angel...

Why...
There is no way I am walking out of this...
I realise... I don't even dare to love anymore... Even if I like that someone, I just wanna stay by that person side and watch her until she is with her fated guy...
I no longer have the courage to love...
I no longer want to love...

Sunday, August 16, 2015

How are you...

Wondering how are you this days, are you eating good? Is your studies okay? Hows you and your bf going? Are you happier now? There are too many things I wanna say and talk to you about.:)
Hmm... Idk~. I just feel like caring about you here and there. I will peek at your insta and twitter sometimes to see how your doing, recently you post something thats sad, like you regret about something. I just wanna tell you that no matter what happens, you still have your friends with you.☺
Everyone say I have change, into someone more cheerful, more comfortable with, and definitely more annoying!😂.
Be Happy!😊.
I want you to be able to smile like a angel.
My heart kind of still holds the promises, that I will be that guardian angel for life. Just wanna watch over you now and see your days getting better and sweet.😁.

Monday, August 10, 2015

Now...

There are times I really hate myself, take an example,yesterday, I swear I was listening to whatever gordon was briefing, and I still miss out some parts of it.
Yeah you can give excuses such as I am exhausted and whatsoever, but in the working society, information that is pass down are way too important to be miss out or forgotten regardless what condition you are, but I just keep missing out information everytime its pass down... It damn annoying in a sense.
And I really hate people that just keep telling me to listen even more carefully, Ik they mean well and majority is 对事不对人, but sometimes I am really freaking annoy with myself le and they still gotta say that out... Thats why I nv want to take up a ldr role, cause one wrong information and everything is gone case...
And NDP, I am glad guangyao pull me back and talk to shifu about it, if not I won't be able to take part in this year one... So thank you guangyao!
Probably thats all for now... Just angry at myself majority of the times.

Monday, July 27, 2015

Its gonna take forever...

Keeping myself busy non-stop like I did when I and her first broke up, yet this time is different... I keep myself busy to get to meet more people, understand more things, compare to the past where I just wanna forget her... No... Cause ik I will nv forget her, I give up on doing that.
I Love You Huiyi... But we were not meant to be together... You need a Love that is far way beyond what I can give, you need a bf with time, unlike me, I will nv satisfy your needs.
I won't call you selfish or whatsoever, thats you, no wrong to find your happiness, you make your decision.
I Let You go for that reason, you deserve someone who meet your needs and requirement.
So from the start, we were nv meant for each other, we just understand ourselves better after this relationship.
We went through alot, but know that no matter how much a relationship went through or how much we are in love, without making effort nothing will work out.
I did, but I guess my was not enough to please you. I won't say about you cause Idw judge anymore.
After losing you, I made more friends now, people who will be there for me, and I see you are much more happier now. Both of us have quite a happy ending?:)
Too bad we can nv be friends, you cut that off so yeah I shall do the same.
But well... I will nv forget you, the time we spent together is all my treasure, everything we experience together...
I am happy now at least!:)

Friday, July 24, 2015

You were my everything...

Everytime I'm out to places we went before... My eyes would keep scanning around, as if I am finding someone... Finding her... whether I am lucky to ever see her again... Yeah its contradicting... I have a heart that doesnt wanna meet you yet desires to meet you...
In the end... I still Love Her..
Well...Too late for anything...
NDP always makes me call of her... I enjoy it but also dislike it, just treating it as a opportunity to further improve myself... Though... I miss the times we are together for NDP... Without her... NDP is nv the same... Fun... Exciting... Passionate...

My Wallet...

Been thinking about her for the whole time otw to boon keng by taxi and for my first time... i lost my wallet, or should i say i forgotten it... Just imagine that lvl of distraction that it could cause me to lose my wallet... But well... ik what that means too...
Intend to buy a necklace... to hold the ring... reminding myself... to nv fall in love again... once is enough... i no longer have that courage for it... I have no worth.:)

Boon Keng

Tons of memories holds at there. Too much that I really don't wanna visit that place if I have a choice... That I don't have to see her again...Causw I might just break down right in front of her...
Today... I am require to teach at hongwen... So God... Pls... Don't let me see her...Pls... Don't let me have hope again... pls...

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

梦见了你。
在梦里, 我们跟往常一样, 一起玩, 牵手, 一起抱, 亲嘴, 到处走, 那里我不知道, 但你一直在笑, 笑得很灿烂。。。然我很。。。想你。。。
而我在我脑海里一直重复一句话。。。"那不是你!" , 但我每讲一次, 我心碎一次, 痛一次。。。原来, 对自己撒谎是这么的困难, 这么的辛苦。。。爱你的心还是存在。。。
但我知道, 你已经不爱我了。。。 我的目地达成了, 你爱上了别人, 他也还给你笑容。
你不需要我了。。。所以我会继续对自己撒谎。。。一直对自己撒谎。。。

Monday, July 20, 2015

对自己撒谎

我不可能忘了你。。。我想跟你说。。。对不起。。。真的。。。对不起。。。
我会对自己撒谎, 这一辈子, 对自己说我不爱你了, 跟自己说, 我不想见你, 摸你的手, 跟你说话, 亲你。。。我会对自己撒一辈子的谎。。。因为只要我一直撒谎, 我就不会来找你。。。

看到了你

你最近很开心, 笑的很灿烂。。。拜托你, 继续这样笑下去, 我不能给你的, 我希望他能给你, 不 , 他一定能给你。。。谢谢你爱她, 然她不会再次想起我, 不是因为你代替了我, 而是你真的在她心里有了个地位, 所以她会忘了我。。。
我很痛苦, 还爱着你但只好放手, 我永远找不到我的幸福了。。。你快乐就好。。。
谁看了, 请不要说出去, 这是我的隐私, 但她给她的朋友看了, 我希望看的人, 别说出去。。。

Monday, June 29, 2015

又哭。。。

说过那一天候, 我不会再哭。但。。。还是哭了。控制不了对你的思念, 但, 也不能在出现在你面前, 因为只有这样, 你才会开心, 不用想和我不愉快的事。。。

Saturday, June 27, 2015

All I want is power, to move forward

Nothing matters now, I just wanna keep moving forward, not turning back anymore... I understand what needs to be done.
You were my everything, I make you my everything, but in the end everything is just waste. I wanna just forget you now, hating you will be so much easier like you did to me, being heartless. You could throw away everything like it seem so easy, why am I even bother about a girl like you anymore?
I shouldn't, people all telling me it was a waste to stay by your side 2 years ago, no matter how much promises we make to each other even facing obstacles, in the end no feelings and you can just break, putting me down while I try chase you back, and what else? Telling me how much you regret this and that.
Your not worth it anymore, you don't deserve to be love from the start, you don't even know what is love from the start, your just looking for a bf that could satisfy your needs, money, company. I was stupid to give you so much, and you just left and listen to all your seniors, well you are relying on them, your nv gonna change so for goodness sake, forget her shawn...

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

When I need "you" the most...

You came in to my life when I need you the most, it seem as if fate has arrange everything to happen...
The way you speak, simple clear cut, yet I feel so comfortable with it, as if we can just speak without holding back about anything, not everything yet but yeah...
You cheer me up, your willing to understand me, you make yourself clear, we don't get piss off, nor i feeling spikes in your words.
Maybe I have yet to know all of you, but I look forward to the days we will talk to each other more and often.

Thanks for coming into my life.:).

Monday, June 22, 2015

Something is happening...

Something is happening~.Hmm idk whether its a good feeling or not but ik it did shake my heart for a few times, like I feel...Mature? Hmm...idk, this feeling is really good, and very direct... feel very comfortable.:).
I hope it happens more, I just feel like something is changing in me and this feeling... as if... something is guiding me to somewhere... a bigger world... a mysteries world...
Something I only felt when I am with 师傅, cutting the comfortable part cause I am still very nervous in front of him haha!
Its really getting my tension up!

Sunday, June 21, 2015

Competition 31st July to 4th August

Participating in the upcoming wushu competitions.
I am giving 120% of myself into this, its not only about myself actually, its also about those who have really actually put in alot of effort to educate me, hoping to make them proud, especially 师傅 whos been teaching me for this 1 and a half year.
Less than 2 months to further improve the skills and rhythm, it will be fun.:)
In this next 3 months there will be 3 competitions to join, I am gonna participate in every of it if possible, taking on 八级拳.
If I won, its a bonus
If I lose, its a lesson.
Okay... I still want to win even saying something so 大道理.:P

Saturday, June 20, 2015

Zouk is fun!

Went zouk today, and it seem so fun and interesting. Well the atmosphere really can bring your whole fun spirit up,just went one day and I think I dance even crazier than my friends that went along.:P
One of the stranger actually grab my hand and offer me touch a girl friend of his (waist only),I pull my hand back and rejected, I think when I reject he probably thought I was a gay or still a virgin? Maybe... I should have really just touch it...
Well... the true is that... I couldn't... Cause I felt like I was gonna betray my heart, the heart that still Loves huiyi... The loyal and faith... I really wanna let go... I told myself that I should forget about her and get wasted at zouk today, but I guess...it didn't happen...Yes I did play until a point that even if I recall her, I felt like I have no feelings for her anymore... But that moment came... and I felt responsibility helding me there...
How I wish I had accept that guy offer, and from there... I could slowly accept other girls...

Friday, June 19, 2015

Zouk tmr!:)

Hope it lives up to my expectations tmr!:)
Really wanna play and drink and just go crazy man!
Huiyi that I Love,if your there pls hope I can soon find a girl I like, love and get together with her, so that I can forget the you now...
I wanna let go everything about her now... There was once I accepted her, but she just don't give a damn chance to start again, she is not as strong as you...
But seeing her trying her best now to becoming independent, it also kinds of cheers me up haha. Cause like finally she is putting alot of effort in it, but I have a feeling she will find another guy soon and wants to depend on him again...
You can say I look down on her ba after 6 months with her, but yeap! Hope this time she change for good!:)
I myself need to change to! So much to experience and have fun~.
I Love You! Thank you for giving me so much memories! Our most memorable ones were the ones we fight for our relationship!
And now! I hope I will forget the you now soon, and start the next chapter of my life.:)

Saturday, May 30, 2015

Hello "me"

Its been awhile since i started getting into blogging again, 3 years i guess since i last updated this blog?
So much things happen after leaving secondary school life, went to poly, get to know new people, be with the girl i thought would be my forever,learning wushu from shifu...Life been too busy...
Its been a total of 6 years since i really started wushu...Without it, i guess i might just be a wandering dog fooling around,not being able to see myself truely...My sincere gratitute for its very existence,if not i wouldn't have all this in life now... Learning took place everywhere i go as long as related to wushu... It just seems like endless lesson... Yet there is also an unstoppable force pushing to it...

I met this girl at NDP... We experienced so much together through thick and thin... I broke her heart once, got her back once...
She might not be the best girl you can have in the world, but to me she is beautiful... We do fight... and i would always blame her for being this and that... i would say she isn't good enough... Thinking back... I was really a jerk...
Now she say... She doesn't have feelings for me anymore... Humans change... Ik that... This shouldn't be the first time i have to experience this pain...I deserve it this time... But... I really want her back... alot... to the point i might lose myself sometimes when i am suppose to be myself and not match up to her expectations...Or maybe i am assuming her expectations again...
I really don't wanna give up on this relationship... I Love Her... But she no longer Loves me anymore... All the promises about forever is gone...
All I can do now is try my best... To get her back while being myself...Just myself...

The promises we made... I still hold it in my heart...